For the longest time, I felt out of place because I thought I had to specialise in just one specific thing and be a master at it. Though it is not wrong, for some reason I felt could not have any other interest so that I could have my 'niche'. And it had to be either this or that.
If I am an artist, I should only be focused in making art.
If I liked climbing, skating, muay thai, gyming, it was either those or art.
If I liked playing games, it was either playing games or art.
If I liked writing, it was either that or art.
If I wanted to pick up a new skill, it was either that or art.
If I liked spending time with people, it was either that or art.
If I liked taking walks, random photos, a free wandering day, it was either those or art.
If I was exploring spray painting, sculpture, installation, or any other mediums, I had to choose only one because I needed to specialise in just master that specific thing.
'That's how you can become a better artist.'
How in the world did that even sank into my belief system?
I struggled. I felt guilty for enjoying other things.
Time, is limited.
I couldn't keep consistency because of the many interests I had.
No doubt, there were only 7 days a week and 24 hours a day.
But if I stopped spending time truly enjoying all these other interests,
I ceased to be me. And anything I create from 'not me', is never truly me.
In 2019, I took a day job and swapped my creative career into a side hustle. Some might think that was a detrimental decision to my creative career.
However, the last 5 years, humbled me greatly and made me grew as a person.
I met colleagues from all walks of life, all of them had different interests and different reasons for work. Everyone had their own passions, priorities, and things they were investing in. We tackled problems together, we navigated workspace relationships, we huddled, we won, we lost, we cried, we celebrated - all sorts of things.
And we are all, different, unique individuals.
You are you for liking what you do,
and even if you do not, you are doing what you do to fight for something else that is important.
You are you for being a closet lover of a cutesy novelty.
You are you for having multiple interests unrelated to your job.
You are you, because you are not what society expects of you.
I have learnt that it is ok to like many things, it is ok to have seasons where you take up things and put down things temporarily. There are days where we need to prioritise and work on just that one thing, and that is ok.
Time, is limited. And we can manage it.
Let's just manage our resources better.
What is truly me, will never truly disappear.
So after 5 years, I am back doing art full time again :)
Thank you to everyone who I have met in this journey, and all whom I will be reconnecting with again soon.
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